This blog is here to serve two purposes. One, that I get to write. I haven’t been writing in a long time, and everything I want to write right now I don’t want attached to my name, because of the struggles me and my wife are having. Which brings me to the second purpose of this blog. I will be telling my story, at least the part about my marriage. I am in the middle of a likely divorce, and need a place to review the history of my marriage. Perhaps along the way, I will see where things went wrong for me. Mistakes that I made that could have changed the course of my marriage. For the most part, I want to explore the mistakes, so I don’t make them again, because I don’t believe that my wife would have changed much about how she has acted or feels.
The name of this blog is a personal catch phrase. I say it to myself when I think about the problems in my marriage. We were married October 4th or 10/4, and that is when everything changed, so I have dubbed that being ten-foured. I will start with the beginning, so it will take some time to get to the current part of the story. By the end, I hope to feel different about where we are. I still want to save this marriage, but I don’t see much hope in that. Even if the marriage can be saved, I don’t have any illusions that she will change, so I would be back in this position again some years down the road. I say this with great sadness. I believe in the redemptive power of Christ, and if she chooses to return to a spiritual walk with Christ, then I have no doubt that things can change, but for now she runs away from all things good towards the women who have already shattered their homes. She seeks comfort in the stories of how good it can be. She forgets the great sadness they used to tell her about before she was a potential member of their club, then it became all roses and honey to be a divorced mom. She also seems to think that I will remain very husband like, but she won’t have to share my bed, and will suddenly have a great husband and a lover of her choice her aren’t the same person. she is sadly mistaken about the lengths I will go to be kind to her after she has destroyed my family. She is also sadly mistaken about her market value as a woman in her 40s with 4 kids and is overweight.
I am bitter right now. That will come through my writing. That is part of the reason I am writing. I want to explore our relationship, come to some new conclusions about what really happened, and heal the bitterness, so I am prepared for the battles that will come for me to have my say and time with my kids. For now we are preparing for seperation. We will share an apartment that the kids stay at until our house is sold. We will alternate who stays with the kids at the apartment, while the other stays at our house. This seems like a miserable situation to me right now, but I can hope that some good will come of it. My reality alarms tell me this is divorce lite for her.