After A Deep Breath…

Deep breath

… and a talk with a lawyer, I can sleep again. He pulled up the filing and the words out of his mouth were “Holy shit, this is fucked up” Turns out that with all that with the arrangements we are seeking child support is roughly a third what she had, especially after the right figure was put in for my income, and she would be responsible for all direct expenses. The only negotiating point is the non-recreational sports they are involved in. No big deal if those expenses are split. We keep clothes and necessities at both houses, so she doesn’t need money to supply me with those things.

I have found that the only thing that makes me panic is loss of time with my kids. Nothing else can throw me into sleepless nights anymore. Well maybe fear that harm is coming to them. I now am confident that I won’t be broke when this is done, and I can relax a little. She will throw a temper tantrum over the hearing that fixes her orders already filed.

She won’t be nice through the process, but that’s okay. I am confident that my estimates are conservative enough that I will come out happier with the results than I was planning on. I found out that not only have the equal parenting time revisions been published in April 2012 in my state, but there was further guidance and pressure to the courts to use it in August 2012. This is all fantastic, and confirms that I was right to wait. I wish I had filed first, but things should still work out fine this way. I meet with the lawyer tomorrow morning to hire him and get moving.



Hard Lesson Learned

Lesotho - Maseru Qoaling School - John Hogg - 090626 (14)

I tried hard to get an agreement with my wife that worked for both of us. I was informed this morning that she filed for divorce. I spent most of the day stressing over what she put in the temporary orders. Something that of course we haven’t needed for the last almost two years to make things work. She has now gone after child support based on bogus numbers. Child support that will if I can’t get it fixed put me in a position that I cannot afford to continue to live where I live now. I live in a 3 bedroom duplex. When I have my kids there are 5 of us in this duplex. On top of that I am expected to pay 1/2 of all their expenses. Literally child support doesn’t pay for their extra-curricular, school, or medical expenses. I know this is not a shocker to anyone reading this, but it pisses me off that I am supposed to pay those in proportion to our gross incomes, but after child support her monthly income is greater than mine. This just reinforces to me that child support is bogus in most cases where the father is actively involved. I have the kids 1/2 the time or better. I will not be able to maintain a home that can fit my family when this is done. I continue to cut expenses hoping to get ahead, yet my ex keeps finding ways to increase my expenses related to children. I hate her. I really do. I can’t even say she changed. I was blind to what she was. She is truly a horrible human being, and only cares for herself.

I was hoping to stay off using the adversarial system, but she has changed the game on that. Greed of course has driven her. I stand to lose in this system. The question is by how much do I stand to lose. I hope that I can afford a lawyer that can do something to limit that loss. If not, then I stand to lose time with my children, because I will paying for all their shit. I am sure that they will love me for that, because stuff is really what matters. Not time with their father. If I am lucky, I will have a wonderful new wife/girlfriend who will at least tell them how great I am while I work my second and third job to pay the home they stay in when they are with me. I actually do have a girlfriend who is pretty great, and much better with a limited budget than I am. I can hope that she really does figure out some ways to help me out there. We plan on combining households this summer. I was nervous about it before, but now it seems that may be the only way I can find a way out of this mess. I do love her, and she seems to be in every way the opposite of my ex, so at least she brings new problems to the table if there are some.

I am disgusted that in divorce the children are used as the leverage for me to continue to pay for the lifestyle of a woman who chose not to be with me. I can only hope that she remains as bad at budgeting as she is now, and that she is blindsided as the kids age out of support, and she goes bankrupt and miserable alone with a bunch of fucking cats she can’t feed anymore. I know that sounds awful, but as it stands now my divorce will cost me half a million dollars when you consider that amount of money that I have to send to her in the name of the kids. Money I could just as easily just pay the expenses with. Instead I have to pay her. What does this do? This shifts the balance of power to her. The person with the money has the power. The government ensures that women get the power.