summer maps and waves

My summer has been eventful. There has been good and bad, and maybe very bad. The bad, at least for me. My STBEW moved and the kids are in a new school once again. The distance makes it so many nights I don’t get to see my home until after 8PM. I will no longer be able to do homework with my kids, and have dinner ready for them before we do our evening activities. They will ride the bus to her house, and do homework at her house. This effectively cuts me out or takes away my way at least of parenting.

The good was the woman I was dating. She taught me a lot. It was refreshing and enjoyable in every way. We communicated well. Ultimately she told me that she couldn’t handle how I made decisions. A lot of that revolves around how I am managing my divorce process. She really never could understand that avoiding conflict with a high conflict person really is the best way to get things done. She had been weird since her trip over the summer with her family. I think she was having a hard time with the spreading of her father’s ashes and the reality of that closure. I miss her and its only been a few days. Its just knowing that we won’t be getting together again, and not talking through the day. I appreciate that she thought that she would come to a place where she would get frustrated and not like me anymore, so chose to end things now before it would be really hard, or she didn’t like me.

The really bad is that over the summer, I had one stupid night out and got a DUI. I don’t know what is going to come of it, but my state is super strict on this. If the lawyer doesn’t work something out, I may lose my license for a year. I really hope he can get that worked out. The criminal case doesn’t worry me much. I can deal with those consequences as much as they might suck, but I can’t handle not driving. There isn’t public transportation, and I have to get all over town. I am not sure what I will do if that is the case. There are no hardship licenses for work, and I wouldn’t be able to take care of my kids.

The good and bad is my father was diagnosed with brain cancer for the second time. He is doing well, and my parents took my family and my sisters family on vacation. We all had a good time. He is doing better than any of the doctors believe is possible. We also know that he is living on borrowed time. He will die soon. Its surreal to talk to him about it, but its better than watching him be in pain or to just lose him.

Some more bad, is my sister almost lost her house to the bank, and mine will be foreclosed on soon. Mine isn’t that bad. I want it gone. Its just more paperwork for the divorce, so its better to be gone before that. It sucks that it is so tight for my sister right now.

Another bad is the connecting unit to my duplex burned this summer. The smells have been really bad. I hope that gets fixed soon. I am not ready to move. I need to have the divorce settled and the DUI figured out first. I may choose to move to the neighboring state that has a hardship license, so I can drive if things go poorly.

Surprisingly with all the anxiety in my life, I feel well. When this is all over, I will be stronger for it. I will have to help my mother. I will be divorced, finally. I look forward to dating someone new, whoever that might be. I will also be content until such time that I meet whoever this girl is. I would give the last girl a chance if she hasn’t gone out and dated again, and I haven’t as well. I think with her that will be unlikely. She is attractive and likes to date. I will talk more about her in my next post.